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Harry's Mummy

Bipolar ~ Diary of a Sufferer

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Well I have just been reading through some of the other threads here on depression and thought I would start a new one as from what I gather there are a few other Bipolar sufferers on here as well and as a newbie BP sufferer, well thought I could have a good old rant on this one ;):) :oops: and it’s not something that people should be afraid or ashamed of admitting, and I am certainly not that!

 

Some people will find this thread unsettling, some will find things very similar, and some may find it’s too close to home, however I am not going to apologise for starting the thread.....

 

There is a 'Coping with Depression' Thread but that’s quite old now https://www.parrot-link.co.uk/topic/7718-no-subject/ and since there are many new members I thought I would bump up a new one!

 

There is also another about a documentary about Stephen Fry who is a Bi-Polar sufferer, which was on a couple of years ago, started by Crazy Jo and if your still popping in and out of the forum hun, first I hope your okay and I would love a copy of the program, so please feel free to PM me :)

 

Depression or Mania Thread

https://www.parrot-link.co.uk/index.php?topic=15698.0

What is Bipolar?

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in a person’s mood, energy, and ability to function. Different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through, the symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe.

 

The classic form of the illness, which involves recurrent episodes of mania and depression, is called bipolar I disorder.

 

Some people, however, never develop severe mania but instead experience milder episodes of hypomania that alternate with depression; this form of the illness is called bipolar II disorder.

 

Cyclothymia also classed as bipolar but the mood swings are not as bad, but are often longer.

 

When four or more episodes of illness occur within a 12-month period, a person is said to have rapid-cycling bipolar disorder. Some people experience multiple episodes within a single week, or even within a single day. Rapid cycling tends to develop later in the course of illness and is more common among women than among men.

 

As a newbie BP I have been diagnosed with BP Rapid Cycling and no day is the same litterally I have to take everyday as it comes.

 

I have been on Duloxotine for the past 9 months or so, and before that Prozac for a couple of years, however after an extreme depressive episode I sought help from the GP, who was as helpful as a chocolate teapot, and to be honest it was only because I was asked to be assessed by a physciatrist I finally got the help I have been needing for years now, and at a guess just about of my adult life [i am now 38]. Anyway it is thought that people with bipolar really shouldnt be taking antidepressents as this can make the condition worse, and I am now trying to come off the Duloxotine.......

 

A word of warning about Duloxotine, no matter what the GP says you have to come off it very slowly as the withdrawal symptoms are truly horrible! So far I have experienced increased and inheightened panic attacks, dizziness, nausea, difficulty sleeping, intense dreams, headaches, tremor, agitation [like a bear with a sore head], anxiety, memory loss, brain zaps and eyeballs I can only describe as going awol......! These are just some!!!

 

I am now on a lower mg of this stuff, and having to come off more slower, so I can go on to my new lemon la la's ;) Depakote (valproate semisodium), which I am terrified of taking, but I know I have to and I know they will help [once they get the dosage right that is] life after that - who knows ???????

 

Other than what I have written here I dont really understand the illness yet, and its still early days but one thing I do know is I wont be ashamed of it and nor will I hide from it either :D

 

I do appreciate that not everyone who has this illness will feel the same as me as 'mental illness' is still very much a stigma for some, but one thing I will promise is that anyone who wants to PM me who also has BP or thinks they may have BP or knows someone else that does, I will always keep our conversations confidential [unless I get an idiot that does not understand mental illness] then that PM will be sent to a Mod....but as PL is an extended family I am sure that wont happen ;)

 

Do of course feel free to post on this thread as well :)

 

Jackie :)

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As a fellow Bi-Polar I'd like to thank you so much, Harry's Mummy, for starting this thread (which I've made into a Sticky so it will always stay at the top of the section it is in) Posted Image

 

When my mood is right (and other Bi-P's will know that feeling lol) I'll share my history but for now I shall just say what I feel is important:

Any person suffering with Bi-Polarism can live a normal life, find a medication that allows them to go on without the dreadful extremes that untreated Bi-P's suffer taking over their lives ....... all you have to do to start down this happier, more balanced road is ask for help. Don't hide it, make excuses for it, wonder if that is what's wrong etc - find out if that is what you are suffering with and start the road to a better life.

 

:oops: EDITED to nuke naughty typos :oops:

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thank you guys for starting this thread, i am fortunate in that i dont suffer from bi polar but i regularly look after people with this condition often when they are having one of their extremes of mood and having an insight into what people experience and how they feel will be of great help to me so thank you for being open and honest i hope to learn a lot,

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Well done for starting this thread, i am lucky that i do not suffer from depression but my best friend from school does. She lives too far away to see her but i do talk to her often on the net so i do have a glimpse into her life.

Hope that you can get on your new meds soon HM and that when the dose is right it helps. You know where i am if you want to talk hun.

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I too was diagnosed 1998. It had been a long and unhappy road of life for many years prior and at least once a year had short bouts of medication as I was told either it was Anemia or exectutive burn out.

 

I was up till then very lucky as I quite quickly got back in control. Only a fellow sufferer will understand how I struggled through the rest of the year.

 

 

Any person suffering with Bi-Polarism can live a normal life, find a medication that allows them to go on without the dreadful extremes that untreated Bi-P's suffer taking over their lives

Never has there been a more true statement. I have been completely off meds for 2 years now. Life sometimes feel like its getting the better of me, but so far I continue to cope.

 

For me its the birds that keep the balance. They need me daily and really don't care how I look or how the house is.

 

My partner thinks all women are unbalanced and so takes my mood swings in his stride and knows that I will catchup on everything sooner or later.

 

I am not ashamed although I do rather tend to call it simply depression as that is far easier for others to understand.

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thank you guys for starting this thread, i am fortunate in that i dont suffer from bi polar but i regularly look after people with this condition often when they are having one of their extremes of mood and having an insight into what people experience and how they feel will be of great help to me so thank you for being open and honest i hope to learn a lot

It will also be interesting to hear it from another point of view as well Freddie, and hope whatever written here helps and also makes sense ;)

 

As other BP sufferers will know the postings will more than likely be quite sparadic [sp??] and may take a while to answer, as for me since I have written the orginal posting I havent been able to respond as at the moment it really does take all my energy just to get up at the moment. :roll:

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Well done for starting this thread, i am lucky that i do not suffer from depression but my best friend from school does. She lives too far away to see her but i do talk to her often on the net so i do have a glimpse into her life.

^^That's a true friend xx

 

Hope that you can get on your new meds soon HM and that when the dose is right it helps. You know where i am if you want to talk hun.

Thanks Sue and you have already been such a tower of strength, especially supporting and understanding about Becks xxx

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Great thread, well done you for creating a thread - good insight for us all - very brave. Lots of us will and have suffered from mental illness in some form or another. Lets hope things like this thread will help break down the stigma of mental illness. :D

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Now that I have been diagnosed and been given a label, stamped and numbered as such I have been left to get on with it really, without really having much back up.

 

It was on the 31st Dec 08 when I met my doc for an assesment [which was about an hour] and he was in no doubt about my illness, and basically I was told this is what you have, do you have access to the internet, only reading .gov / nice sites as all the others are rubbish and alot of times incorrect, come off those pills, have some bloods tests then take these pills, and see you in about 3 months, in between that we shall sort out a care manager and some councilling sessions and was packed off...........that was it, so there and here I am not much the wiser, on an illness I dont really understand and until then can I accept it?? I am the type of person that would rather know than not know if that makes sense..hence why I have to look into other peoples experiences, other BP sufferers and try and learn from that really, as I certainly do feel abandoned now that I have a label. Dont get me wrong I feel a huge relief knowing there is something wrong and I aint just a miserable old goat, who is destined never to be happy, but also part of me is now terriffied as I am now wondering if I have had it as long as I believe then who am I ??? What is normal ???

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Great thread, well done you for creating a thread - good insight for us all - very brave. Lots of us will and have suffered from mental illness in some form or another. Lets hope things like this thread will help break down the stigma of mental illness.

Thanks Gillian, dunno about brave, but I do believe that there is a stigma attached to mental illness, and its wrong, as it is an illness, its just invisable to most people as it cant be seen!

 

I know how annoying it is when people have said to me "why are you depressed, you have a job you love, your working for yourself, have a hubby & home blah blah" Posted Image its not the normal day to day pee'd off stuff and nor is it that simple, but cant blame people for thinking that as they just dont understand and from the outside looking in I have a wonderful life.....hey I have had loads of arguements with myself about it and I have never won ;)

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I remember reading an interview with Melinda Messenger about a year or so ago. She had been diagnosed with a form of depression (and it does come in a zillion differing forms doesnt it). She was very brave for coming out, and she said one of the reasons she went public was because of what you say jacks.... people said to her how on earth can she be depressed? She is beautiful, slim, loads of money, gorgous husband, gorgous children etc etc and she really needed to stop this vast opinion that people need a reason to be depressed. Yes I suppose we do need a reason to BE depressed, but being depressed is entirely different to suffering with a diagnosed medical illness of the depression catagory.

 

It was really incitive, and actually refreshing to read of someone who us from the outside looking in may regard as having the perfect life.

 

THATS what the stigma is, people's opinions, but you have to leave that up to them Jackie, you cant change other people, but you can change the way you see/treat them. Just worry about yourself and those that matter to YOU, let the rest be.

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is it the same as stacys mum has in eastenders?i broke my heart when she put herself in hospital.i wish you well and hope you get the right care and support

Yes she was portrayed as suffering from Bipolar, I cant give an opinion on if that was dramatised too much being Eastenders, however there was some very poinent glimpses such as a significant event that triggered off the illness [her son leaving], the thoughts putting an end to it all, the way she was seen by Mo & Charlie, [how not to treat/view someone with depression] and many more.

 

I did watch that episode, and it wasnt intentional, for me personally I found it very upsetting and frightening as for me I am terrified of ending up like my mum [she is only 59 and has late onset Alzhemiers & now like a 6 month old baby] however as already said many people can & do live a 'normal' life who suffer from this illness.

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I remember reading an interview with Melinda Messenger about a year or so ago. She had been diagnosed with a form of depression (and it does come in a zillion differing forms doesnt it). She was very brave for coming out, and she said one of the reasons she went public was because of what you say jacks.... people said to her how on earth can she be depressed? She is beautiful, slim, loads of money, gorgous husband, gorgous children etc etc and she really needed to stop this vast opinion that people need a reason to be depressed. Yes I suppose we do need a reason to BE depressed, but being depressed is entirely different to suffering with a diagnosed medical illness of the depression catagory.

Totally, during a recent depressive stage the feelings are so intense you end up feeling numb, no feelings, and no matter what you cant see what is happening around you, and blame everyone else, for about a period of 3 weeks I did nothing but shout, scream, swear, ignore, hate [and I mean hate] Dave, he couldnt come near me, everything he said and did was wrong, I wanted him away from me, I even threw my wedding ring at him, wouldnt sleep or stay in the same room as him and I was more than ready to divorce him and why - I have no idea but I was convinced it was his fault, then one morning, he came in to wake me up before he went to work, and it was like the last few weeks had never happened for me, and I was 'back'. Dave said Hey how are you, and I just broke down and said to him I was so sorry, and he put my wedding ring back on my finger and I knew that was the point I needed help, as I thought was that really me and did I really do that.....I cant really put into words how intense these episodes are.

 

It was really incitive, and actually refreshing to read of someone who us from the outside looking in may regard as having the perfect life.

Its always the people that you think wouldnt have it but do.....

 

THATS what the stigma is, people's opinions, but you have to leave that up to them Jackie, you cant change other people, but you can change the way you see/treat them. Just worry about yourself and those that matter to YOU, let the rest be.

Oh I know I cant change people's opinions, and hey everyone is entitled to them, and know I cant change other people but if this helps more people understand a little more then thats fine, and hopefully understanding why people would think this then it can only help me [& others] cope on a daily basis :)

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This morning I had a few panic attacks and was very reluctant to leave my boys but I made a huge step to come and see my dad in Wiltshire, I didnt think I would be able to do it as I dont like being too far away from home at the moment, but after a 2 hour drive I made it here and so far I havent been too bad. This is a big step for me, and quite pleased I have managed to cope.....

 

For the last few months for me personally I have found it very hard to be around people [except Hubby] for any length of time, and have suffered many panic attacks when we have been out shopping, and becoming more and more of a person that much prefers the company only a very select few and given the choice much rather spend my time indoors with my boys........to me this is a safer option

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I have found it very hard to be around people [except Hubby] for any length of time ................. and becoming more and more of a person that much prefers the company only a very select few and given the choice much rather spend my time indoors

could have said that myself Posted Image

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i wish you all the health and happyness that you can have, my best friend has got bp she has good days and bad, she has 3 children whom relye on her totaly she has got lots of pets that she get up for every day , her home is a reck but hay that not important she is and she got me, if she needs anythink she just calls i can only be their when she ask because of her mood but i do my best

 

your very brave going thou this i am thinking of you kind thaughts

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This weekend was very tough for me, the Saturday wasnt so bad, but the Sunday was quite tough, I just had enough really as my dad doesnt understand the illness so he says. Personally I believe that he has BP also, but anything like this scares him and he wont admit to it, just says its life being p***** off. He can be and is frequently a very unpleasant man to be around just by the way he talks about and to other people, he also has some very negative views and they are the type of people that really have strong opinions & are always right :roll:

 

I am feeling mentally shattered now, and hopefully today will continue to rain as I wont see anyone else when I am walking all the dogs today, as I really dont want to have to be nice & polite to anyone :oops: too worn out.....

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